Letter to Clay

Today marks one month since we found out about your death, Clay. I wish I could tell you it has been easier, but as time slips away from us, you have and will not. I cannot even begin to share with you all the amazing stories told to me about you and the people you have met along your path. It truly is a beautiful gift you have given to me and your family. Everyone hurts and misses you terribly. As we try to move forward with our lives, many of us are left with a huge hole in our hearts. I couldn’t sleep last night – looking at my phone recalling our last conversation – and yesterday I cancelled your cell phone service. That SUCKED! I know you were hurting and I am sorry if I let you down in anyway, I really am. Just know I loved you so very much.

Today I feel you’ve given me a gift. After a month of trying to get past all the passwords on your computer, I succeeded. I am sure you had something to do with this. They were the ones you always told me about, but for some reason I must have typed them in wrong. LOL.

Clay, I love you, and Bailey and I miss every little tidbit about you. There is no smell of fresh coffee when I wake up, no one to kiss me each morning, no one sending me songs every day, and I don’t feel the warmth of you next to me at night. These are the very real moments that really suck for me, that bring tears. The bed is cold, the house feels empty, and, well, life is a big uncertainty for me now. BUT, I do know you’d have wanted me to more forward, you’d want me to smile, find happiness, take Bailey to all the places we loved and let him run free. I promise you that I will do my “AP” best to keep your smile shining bright and to carry on with our dreams with Bailey.

“I LOVE YOU LOVEE”… I got this off your computer. It brings smiles to my face.