“Check-In” with a loved one today, whether it be with family member, friend, or coworker. See how they are doing. Ask how life is treating them. A 5-minute conversation could make all the difference to them. In honor of Clay, I am working on developing a foundation. If you were around me or Clay, you would hear us asking Bailey to “Check-In”. I will be moving forward with this simple idea for reminding us to reach out to our love ones. I can’t promise it will change lives, but maybe, just maybe, it will change the moment for them. LOVE and PEACE on this Sunday!


Letter to Clay

Today marks one month since we found out about your death, Clay. I wish I could tell you it has been easier, but as time slips away from us, you have and will not. I cannot even begin to share with you all the amazing stories told to me about you and the people you have met along your path. It truly is a beautiful gift you have given to me and your family. Everyone hurts and misses you terribly. As we try to move forward with our lives, many of us are left with a huge hole in our hearts. I couldn’t sleep last night – looking at my phone recalling our last conversation – and yesterday I cancelled your cell phone service. That SUCKED! I know you were hurting and I am sorry if I let you down in anyway, I really am. Just know I loved you so very much.

Today I feel you’ve given me a gift. After a month of trying to get past all the passwords on your computer, I succeeded. I am sure you had something to do with this. They were the ones you always told me about, but for some reason I must have typed them in wrong. LOL.

Clay, I love you, and Bailey and I miss every little tidbit about you. There is no smell of fresh coffee when I wake up, no one to kiss me each morning, no one sending me songs every day, and I don’t feel the warmth of you next to me at night. These are the very real moments that really suck for me, that bring tears. The bed is cold, the house feels empty, and, well, life is a big uncertainty for me now. BUT, I do know you’d have wanted me to more forward, you’d want me to smile, find happiness, take Bailey to all the places we loved and let him run free. I promise you that I will do my “AP” best to keep your smile shining bright and to carry on with our dreams with Bailey.

“I LOVE YOU LOVEE”… I got this off your computer. It brings smiles to my face.


Suicide Survivor Group Meeting

Last night I went to a suicide survivor group meeting. To anyone affected by Clay’s death, I highly recommend you find a group and go! I will help you if you need it. I was surprised at how big this group was. It helped to share my story with strangers who have experienced the loss of a loved one. It helped me to listen to others’ daily struggles that were very similar to mine. Yes, life goes on for everyone, but for those effected by Clay’s death, it’s a new normal for me and you. This path is so unknown to me, but I am confident it will be okay. If you’re interested you can come with me to the next meeting – it is free and you can leave a donation if you are compelled to do so.

Suicide is not taboo, and I’d like to help educate others to speak up about it.