Why?

April and Clay on a hike, Fall of 2014

After reeling from the events and significant loss in my life, so many people want to know what was wrong with Clay. We as natural human beings need to know “WHY”. Why would someone take their life when they seem to have so much to live for? I can’t answer the “WHY” I can only say, that in life, sometimes there are no answers and we have to find peace in that.

I lost my brother to suicide on April 13th 1998. Clay’s death hits home and it hits hard. But I find peace and here is the “WHY”. After learning about two head injuries that Clay sustained in early 2000’s, one of which was explained to me as a severe frontal lobe head injury of which he had to re-learn simple daily tasks, has help me to understand what he was experiencing mentally and physically. I personally experienced some of these symptoms with Clay.

Without writing a book, please know this: CTE is real, VERY REAL. It wouldn’t surprise me if someone you know may be experiencing symptoms from CTE from a sport injury or accident. Clay’s family and I may never know if this lead to his difficulties and his ultimate choice, but what I do know is HE WAS LOVE. He brought such happiness to my life, he wasn’t rich, he wasn’t perfect, but he was LOVE. He showed me how to be a kid again, how to love simply, and how to smile just cause you should.

As I learn more about CTE and head injuries, I am compelled to continue to educate myself about it. To help people learn more about it. Clay and Dave Mirra died on the same day. Clay doesn’t get the media attention Dave does, but I truly believe these two beautiful souls were fighting the same battle. We do know Clay suffered from two serious brain injuries, and who knows how many went undocumented¬†while¬†riding BMX as a young kid.

My love, my heart, I am at peace knowing you are FREE. No more pain, no more angst, no more fighting yourself. I will honor you every day! I will fight for CTE awareness and education everyday for all of us!

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